This week's messages
Why Did She/He Do That?
A friend called me about a situation where someone had
been attacking her personally. She kept asking, 'why
did she do that' because this person had been her
friend until this situation materialized. She had to
accept that this person's behavior had more to do with
her own lack of self-esteem than attacking my friend.
My friend was just in the line of fire. And it wasn't
about her, although it did push a few buttons regarding
her beliefs about her abilities and her expectations of
her friends.
We all have beliefs about how others should act
towards us or treat us, depending on our relationship
with them. When those beliefs are challenged or
violated by their behavior, our first reaction is to ask
why they are doing that to us. And they are not really
doing it to us, they would do it to anyone, we just
happen to be the first in line. If the situation is bad
enough, it can create a rift that will ruin a friendship or
relationship and move that person out of our life. And it
often happens quickly, so that we are left bruised and
hurt, wondering what happened and what we did to
create it.
Accepting others does not mean tolerating bad
behavior and then going back to them, asking for
forgiveness and then wondering if the situation will
come up again. Sometimes we have to acknowledge
that they have their own issues, accept their behavior
as a reflection of who they are and take ourselves out
of the line of fire. Remembering that since we are in the
situation we have a lesson to learn too will speed this
process and take some of the edge off of the pain and
disappointment.
When we can acknowledge others for who they are,
good or bad, it allows us to accept them and then to
decide whether we want them and their behavior in our
lives. The process is often not that fast, but it does
release us from the pain of having to face more lessons
in acceptance until we can learn them. This week, look
at someone who is giving you a lesson in acceptance.
You may never know or understand why they do what
they do but that is not important. Can you
acknowledge that this is who they are, accept that as
the truth about them and then make your own
decisions about how you will respond? What can you do
to do to keep yourself safe, emotionally and physically,
in this situation? That is your concern and where you
can focus your efforts. Accepting often means we have
to learn to 'let go and let God', acknowledging where
we can make a difference and where we need to just
turn in another direction.
Read the November 2005 message...
Quick Links...
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Blessings to you all!
The November article is posted on the Uriel Heals
website and this month's message is about
Acceptance. When we accept situations we
acknowledge their existence without judgment.
Acceptance is a lesson that we are often presented
with and sometimes it has no resolution other than to
teach us how to find our power and to let go. This
week's article is about accepting others' behavior.
Read more in this week's article. This week's Today's
Children article discusses the Indigo's need for
attention and how their behavior is often an indicator
that they need our attention. Uriel's message this week
discusses knowing when to say 'when.'
I would like to welcome all of our new subscribers and
thank you for joining the Uriel Heals Newsletter. Recent
newsletters and articles are archived on the Uriel Heals
website on the 'Archives' page. The subscriber list
grows daily and your continuing words of support,
encouragement and appreciation are deeply
appreciated.
Enjoy this week's newsletter!
Contents are Copyright(c) 2004-5 by Jennifer Hoffman.
All
Rights Reserved.
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Filtering the Details
Why is it that what we remember about events is often
far different that what actually happened? When we
are in the midst of a situation we believe that what we
remember is all that really happened and then later,
realize that we have filtered the details, often focusing
on a single event that colors our opinion of the entire
event. Often, what we focus on involves something
that causes us concern, pain or even embarrassment.
And if we asked someone else about the situation, their
memory would be different from ours.
As marketing director for a US-based French company I
was invited to attend the company's annual meeting
banquet. It was held at one of Paris' best restaurants
and I was seated next to a Nobel prize-winning
scientist and across from a high-ranking French official.
It was an excellent chance to network and meet
influential people. But all I remember of the meal is the
first course, which consisted of three raw sardines on a
small plate. I knew that I would have to eat those raw
sardines because refusing them would have been
inappropriate and my stomach turned at the prospect.
Years later, I don't remember anything about the rest
of the dinner, the entrée, main course and probably
excellent dessert or the conversations that I had with
the people around me. My memory of the dinner
consists of a small plate in front of me, covered in
lettuce on which rested three small, raw sardines and
my fear of embarrassing both myself and the dinner's
host, the chairman of my company. As it turned out, I
did eat the sardines, with lots of bread. We filter the
details of events based on our fears and beliefs, and in
so doing we limit our ability to enjoy wonderful and
whole memories. If the event is something that can be
embarrassing or otherwise put us in a difficult situation,
we risk only remembering the difficult parts and
overlook everything else. Instead of having a complete
memory of a situation, our memory is condensed to a
single part, which is generally not truly representative
of the situation.
Beginning with our life's first social situation we begin to
create the filters that we will use to remember details
of every event that we are part of. As we learn to
create our reality, we will have opportunities to review
the filters that we use to remember the details of these
events and see whether they still apply. Our goal is to
remember all of the details of events, not just parts of
them, so that we can take full advantage of the
experience, its joys and its lessons. This week, think
back on a situation that you remember as painful or
difficult. Can you see where you may have used your
fears and beliefs to filter some of the details? Can you
see any joyful moments or other things about this
situation that you can use as the foundation for that
memory? Every situation, even the most difficult ones,
has joy as well as pain. And if we pay attention to how
we filter the details we can learn to take all of every
situation's gifts away with us so that we have complete
memories that we can appreciate and learn from.
The Difference Between a Victor and a Victim is I AM »
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Uriel's Message--Know When to Say When
Do you feel that you have to see every situation
through to a successful conclusion, that somehow it
has to work out and everyone has to be happy? Do you
define the success of your lessons by how long you
stay in them or whether, through your efforts,
someone's behavior will change? How long does this
take and when is it appropriate and right to walk away?
The criteria that you use to determine the success of
each lesson will establish the point where you know
that it is right to say that you have had enough, and
you know when to say 'when.'
It is easy to believe that a successful outcome of any
lesson is one where every issue is resolved and all
parties walk away from the situation happy, fulfilled and
glad to have been part of a life-changing experience.
But that often is not the case. There are often issues
that have no resolution other than to help you reclaim
your power. These lessons are your most difficult, your
most challenging because they are the ones where your
struggle will be between staying out of a sense of
commitment and obligation and leaving things
unfinished, meaning you were not able to change
someone's opinion or behavior and resolve the situation
in a way that you feel comfortable with.
If it is your belief that every situation has a positive
resolution, i.e. everyone lives 'happily ever after' then
you risk being in situations far longer than you need to.
And you also risk missing the point of the lesson, which
has to do with your own learning and soul growth. Does
that include leading someone else to happiness? You
can only take them as far as they are able to go. Each
person has to put forth some effort in their life and
often no matter how appealing the opportunities that
you have to offer are, they may not be able to
embrace them.
The challenge is to reconcile what you believe is your
obligation to others as part of your spiritual journey
with your own need for joy and peace. When situations
bring you only pain, sadness and despair, it is an
indicator to you that the lesson may include knowing
when you have had enough. What are your
expectations about how a situation must end and what
your obligations to others are? These are boundaries
that you must set for yourself so that you know when
you have had enough and when it is appropriate for you
to find your power and walk away.
Read more about Archangel Uriel »
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Indigos Need Attention
There is a new generation of children in the world and
they are known by many names, including Indigo and
Crystal Children, Star Children, Light Children. Whatever
name they are known by, they are a generation that
we have never seen before and they have special
needs, gifts and talents. The Crystal and Indigo
children represent the new, higher energetic patterns
that are arriving to change the Earth's vibrational
frequency.This new series provides information on
these children and the wonderful gifts they bring to the
world.
Although my children are no longer very young, every
time I am on the telephone they are right next to me,
demanding my attention. The first thing that they do
when entering the house is yell 'Mom' as loudly as they
can, looking for me. And if I'm reading or otherwise
occupied, they talk to me until I stop what I am doing
and give them my full attention. Despite their
independence, Indigos need a lot of attention from their
parents even if they often act as if we're the last
people in the world they want to speak to. The key for
us is to find the balance between satisfying their need
for attention and their need for independence.
The problem with this situation is that parents today
have little free time to spend with their children. Most
families need two incomes just to survive and parents
work long hours at increasingly demanding jobs, with
threat of layoffs constantly looming. It is interesting
that the birth of a generation that needs so much
parental attention comes at a time when parents have
difficulty providing it. And the kind of attention that
Indigos require is different from what their parents
needed when they were young. Indigos need advice as
they face the challenges of a complicated and
increasingly dangerous world. They need support as
they make choices that will allow them to fulfill their
unique destiny. They need acceptance and approval of
their actions when they make good choices and our
understanding and patience when they make bad ones.
Mostly, they need to know that we are available for
them and that we love them, even when they exhibit
the most unlovable behavior.
Indigos who do not get the attention that they need
react by doing things that require us to pay attention
to them. They will do poorly in school, become
aggressive and demanding, exhibit childish behavior and
can resort to drugs, drinking and stealing. Many of
today's teens have grown up on a steady diet of
violence in the media and video games. But as children,
we all used to play games with pretend guns and watch
violent cartoons. The difference is that we had more of
a balance in our lives and the outside world was not 'in
our faces' as much as it today. There is no broad
solution to this problem as each child has different
needs. But I do know that one solution is to spend time
with our children, to let them know that they are
important to us and that we are there for them. I have
written about some of the problems that I had with my
older Indigo son during his teenage years and it was
hard to support him when he was being so difficult. But
he has often told me, now that he is older, that he
appreciates my support during that time and says that
without it, he would probably be dead or in jail. I just
smile and remember the arguments, tears and
frustration, glad that it is over, and that I could provide
what he needed so that he could eventually resolve his
issues. Indigos are a difficult generation and they need
a lot from us. If you have Indigo children, especially
boys, spending time with them, paying attention to
them, can make all the difference in their lives. It
doesn't have to be a lengthy outing or event
(remember that they have very short attention spans),
just something that lets them know that you are there
for them. It could make all the difference in their lives,
and in yours.
Today's Children »
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